Monday, March 21, 2011

The Christmas Ovaries

I recently had to make another visit to The Land That Fashion Forgot. I was scheduled for an oophorectomy, which is a complicated medical term that means, "removal of the oophs." Knowing I would have to again wear the lovely post-operative footwear, this time I went with a retro '60's theme, sporting flared yoga pants and Birkenstocks.

Turns out there's a reason the mantra went, "Peace, love, and flower power," and not, "Peace, love, and compression hose."

Even the original hippies, who did so much LSD they can't even remember the entire decade, had enough sense not to wear anything like this.

Anyway. The Hubster was his usual compassionate self (and by compassionate, I mean putting his beer within easy reach in the fridge so I didn't have to bend over when I fetched it for him).

I had to have an electrocardiogram prior to surgery, and you can imagine my surprise when the test showed that I had suffered a heart attack at some point in the past. (This is not such great health news, but it is an excellent parenting tool for guilt inducement. "Are you TRYING to give me another heart attack?!") I should have known better to expect concern when I told Hubster about the test. His response to the news was to clutch his chest and yell, "Haht attaak!" a la the late Chris Farley's Saturday Night Live character, a Chicago sports fan having a major cardiac event.

And the tender loving care really kicked in postoperatively. When I put my hand over my lower abdominal incision to splint it for coughing, Hubster asked, "What's that, your Michael Jackson impression?"

My sister wasn't much better. She asked me if I had kept the removed parts for posterity, and that I should have had them bronzed.

No worries. The tradition of the Christmas Pickle is a lovely one, but you'll never come to our house and hear, "Hey, there's a special surprise for the first person who finds TC's ovaries on the tree!"


Brieana @ The Living Well said...

You're back!!

I'm so sorry to hear about your surgery.. plenty of sympathy here. But I'm awfully glad you've posted because I love your blog. I think you're hysterical.

Feel better soon!

Amanda said...

I hope you feel better soon!

Michelle said...

Praying for you. Stopped by to let you know that today, April 5, is National Cheese Doodle Day. Do celebrate!

LilTanGurl said...

Oh boy... what loving and compassionate people you have surrounding you! ;)
hope you feel better!


Scott Roche said...


I'm approaching homeschoolers with an offer to buy my young adult science fiction novella at a reduced cost. I wrote it last year for my eleven year old daughter to read. My wife and I homeschooled for two years, so I know how hard it can be to find modern fiction appropriate for kids these days at an affordable cost. You can read the first couple of chapters of Ginnie Dare ( online to see if it's something you'd be interested in. I'd also love it if you'd blog about it. The charge would be three dollars plus shipping and I can order as many or as few copies as people need.

God bless,
Scott Roche

Contributing Editor of Flagship -

Netherfieldmom said...

PLEASE WRITE MORE! You make me laugh until I cry--need more humor in today's world. :)

renderers bristol said...

I hope you feel better soon

Danny said...

Homeschool Mom's and Dad's can save money on label supplies by shopping online at said...

Get well soon dear.. we love you and your blogs. :) <3

Junosmom said...

I think about you now and again. I hope you are well.