- A woman called 911 and reported a case of domestic violence after she heard horrible screams coming from a neighbor's house. Deputies arrived to find a man yelling at his television. He was watching a Dallas Cowboys game.
- A man in the ____ area said his porch was stolen.
- A man reported that he was arrested in [a neighboring town] the previous week. He said the officers stole the "secret code off his cell phone." He also accused them of "farting" in his face as he sat in the back of the patrol car.
- A woman reported that her boyfriend assaulted her because she threw his false teeth down a sewer pipe.
- An elderly woman was found dead in a car. She had ridden in the car as a passenger with other family members all the way from Illinois, but they didn't realize she had died until they made it to a house in ____ County. It's unknown where on the trip she had died.
Here's the part that keeps me up at night: the local birth rate is on the rise.