Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Look out, he's gonna blow!

Yeehaw, we're having some fun now! Our master bathroom has been torn out, right back to the studs. This isn't one of those "Oh, let's change out the harvest gold bathtub" kind of remodels. It's a "we have moldy sheetrock because the genius who built this place vented the dryer into the wall space" kind of remodel.

Projects like this stress out my husband. He's clenching his jaw, snarling, and veins are popping out on his forehead. Basically, he looks like The Hulk without the pea-green skin tone. But it's not the work or the mess that stresses him. No, for my Mr. Thrifty, it's the financial aspect of remodeling that sends him over the edge.

Number one, he can't stand to spend money. I think it actually physically hurts him. He'd make a terrible spy. It wouldn't take much for him to spill government secrets to the other side.

Bad Guy: We want to know the location of all your submarines!

Husband the Spy: Ha ha, you'll never get that information from me!

Bad Guy: We'll see about that. We have ways of making you talk. [Hands Husband the Spy a pen.] Now, you will write us a check for $1,000.

Husband the Spy: AAAAGGGHHHH!!!! NO! Anything but that! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!!! Just don't make me spend money!!!!

Number two, the man has never seemed to accept the fact that, over time, prices do tend to rise. He used to do some of the grocery shopping for me. When the price of eggs went up by 10 cents a dozen, he was foaming at the mouth. When the price of milk went up 30 cents, he nearly had a cerebral hemmorhage. He started lecturing the family about how we were just going to have to get by on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and water. I didn't dare send him to the store after that. If he saw the price of peanut butter, his head would explode right there in the middle of aisle 3. Needless to say, the clerks at Home Depot know him because of the apoplectic fits he has at the cash register. They actually make an intercom announcement as he approaches the check-out: "Crash cart to register four; crash cart to register four. Prepare the defibrillator."

So if you think of it, pray for us this week. I fear this remodel is going to make me a widow. "Although he bravely battled inflation for many years, he was killed by the price of a towel rack."


Marla said...

Oh my. Are we married to the same man?

We are getting ready to tear out our master bath for similar reasons. Maybe I can convince him to let me do the runs to the DIY store?

Jessica said...

"Although he bravely battled inflation for many years, he was killed by the price of a towel rack."

Oh my gosh, I think I'm gonna pass out from lack of oxygen - that was so funny!

My husband is turning into this sort of man as well. He comes home from the grocery store with $50 in his pocket, but swears that he has no money. What is this, some kind of mid-life thing?

Anonymous said...

We have one of those types of remodels coming up... Kilz only hides the mold for so long and then it has to come out. I'm procrastinating by adding one more coat of Kilz before we give in and start ripping things out.

I hope it goes well and the results make it all worth it!