1. Fractured the head of my humerus.
2. Playing ice hockey.
3. HOCKEY. ON ICE.
4. It was a parent/son scrimmage with Sasquatch's team.
5. Hey! Hey!! Hey!!! Don't start on the age thing!
6. I was making a spectacular diving defensive move.
7. No, I don't know if the guy scored.
8. Well, I was kind of busy flopping around on the ice like a seal with one flipper and a seizure disorder.
9. Not immediately, but I was pretty sure there was a problem when, after the game, my brain started playing involuntary word association when I tried to pick things up with that arm.
sock : vicodin!
car key : demerol!
curly fry : morphine!
purse : general anesthesia!
10. Two weeks.
11. In a New York minute. I had a blast.