Apparently, it's not enough that every American under the age of 35 is perpetually connected to an electronic device. You know - the iPod, the cell phone, the laptop, the Wii, the Blackberry, the GPS, the Guitar Hero guitar, and that antique called a "television." And, in the case of my kids, sometimes all of these devices at the same time. This from the same kids who complain if I make them do math AND science on the same day.
On top of that, I really think that someday, someone is going to inadvertently make contact with space aliens just by mixing up their Wii nunchuck with their iPhone. And then Steve Jobs is going to become so rich, he'll be able to buy Europe.
Anyway. Because we're Americans and we believe in equality for everyone, we have now made it possible for our cows to wear headsets. I swear I am not making this up.
You can read the whole story here. Basically, the idea is that not only can the farmer track the cow via GPS, but the cow receives sounds through the "Ear-A-Round" (although my choice for the name would have been the "iMoo") that will get the cow to move in a particular direction.
Now, this was interesting to me, because we have a Houdini cow who manages to get through any given barrier designed to keep her on our property. I can't tell you how many times we've had to go all cowboy on her because she managed to open a gate and escape. I really believe this cow could infiltrate Ft. Knox. If anyone from the CIA is reading this, I'd be happy to sell her to you for stealth operations for a mere 20 billion dollars.
And think of all the other wonderful applications of this technology! Kids are at the mall, wearing their Ear-A-Round, and you could have them hear, "If you even enter that awful Spencer Gifts store, you're gonna be grounded until I'm forced to let you leave the house to get fitted for your dentures." Son is in the locker room after hockey practice, and he hears, "You'd better come home with your underwear and two socks. And they'd better be YOUR underwear and socks." Teenage son is driving, and he hears, "You exceed the speed limit, mister, and I swear you'll be back to riding a little red tricycle to work." Teenage daughter is out on a date, and her Ear-A-Round transmits, "NO. NO. NO. NO." And her date's transmits, "Don't even THINK about it unless you want to spend the rest of your life as a eunuch."
But here's the best part: the last sentence in the article reads, "If the sound cues don't work, the device can emit a small electrical shock to move cows in the desired direction." I'm especially excited about this option. I think this might be exactly what I need to get Hubster out of his fishing boat and back to his 2-year-old bathroom remodeling project.