Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Dude, where's my cow?

Apparently, it's not enough that every American under the age of 35 is perpetually connected to an electronic device. You know - the iPod, the cell phone, the laptop, the Wii, the Blackberry, the GPS, the Guitar Hero guitar, and that antique called a "television." And, in the case of my kids, sometimes all of these devices at the same time. This from the same kids who complain if I make them do math AND science on the same day

On top of that, I really think that someday, someone is going to inadvertently make contact with space aliens just by mixing up their Wii nunchuck with their iPhone. And then Steve Jobs is going to become so rich, he'll be able to buy Europe.

Anyway. Because we're Americans and we believe in equality for everyone, we have now made it possible for our cows to wear headsets. I swear I am not making this up.

You can read the whole story here. Basically, the idea is that not only can the farmer track the cow via GPS, but the cow receives sounds through the "Ear-A-Round" (although my choice for the name would have been the "iMoo")  that will get the cow to move in a particular direction.

Now, this was interesting to me, because we have a Houdini cow who manages to get through any given barrier designed to keep her on our property.  I can't tell you how many times we've had to go all cowboy on her because she managed to open a gate and escape. I really believe this cow could infiltrate Ft. Knox. If anyone from the CIA is reading this, I'd be happy to sell her to you for stealth operations for a mere 20 billion dollars.

And think of all the other wonderful applications of this technology! Kids are at the mall, wearing their Ear-A-Round, and you could have them hear, "If you even enter that awful Spencer Gifts store, you're gonna be grounded until I'm forced to let you leave the house to get fitted for your dentures." Son is in the locker room after hockey practice, and he hears, "You'd better come home with your underwear and two socks. And they'd better be YOUR underwear and socks." Teenage son is driving, and he hears, "You exceed the speed limit, mister, and I swear you'll be back to riding a little red tricycle to work." Teenage daughter is out on a date, and her Ear-A-Round transmits, "NO. NO. NO. NO." And her date's transmits, "Don't even THINK about it unless you want to spend the rest of your life as a eunuch."

But here's the best part: the last sentence in the article reads, "If the sound cues don't work, the device can emit a small electrical shock to move cows in the desired direction." I'm especially excited about this option. I think this might be exactly what I need to get Hubster out of his fishing boat and back to his 2-year-old bathroom remodeling project.


Mostly Sunny said...

Could you please design an iBark? I'd like it to shock the puppy when she pees on the floor, snacks on cat poop, and eats my area rugs. Thank you. I'll look forward to hearing from you. Soon. Before the dog eats the keyboard.

~Rhen @yestheyareallmine said...

That is too funny!!
It would seem the cow is better connected to technology than I am. LOL

Amanda said...

Do you think they could come up with one for inlaws???? You know something like, "If you say that about me one more time, I'LL be in charge of picking your nursing home!" Not that I'm bitter or anything. LOL :)


Cindy said...

How about the iTeen that puts pleasant meadow sounds in the Mom's ear while your 13yr old daughter goes all "Jekyll and Hyde" on you if make the slightest faux pas!