Monday, April 7, 2008

Be Careful For What Thou Wisheth (a true story)

And it came about that when Hubs and his wife, TC, had begat three children, the three children ate much and grew large, so that Hubs said, "It is time for us to make our dwelling in the land of much dirt, for there we can find a larger abode." So it was there they made their home.

But ere long, Hubs cried out, "Lo, we have been much deceived, for this habitation was built from discarded mobile home parts and stolen job site materials, and look, it is held together with Twinkie filling." And it was then that Hubs and his wife, TC, cried out to the Lord, "Oh, God, hear us in our hour of need, as we petition Thou to send us money or a winning lottery ticket that we might repair this habitation, for our children have sucked us financially dry." And God heard their prayer, and sent them a fourth child, whom they named Sasquatch, for he ate more and grew more than the other three children together, so that the financial dryness became a drought upon them and they were unable to make the abode a pleasant place.

And so it was that when Hubs and his wife, TC, and their children would journey to another place, Hubs would instruct his neighbors, "If thou seest our house on fire, waiteth one hour before calling the fire department." And TC did greatly hope that each new spring would bring a tornado upon their land with which to utterly destroy the habitation of despair, as it was one where wallpaper was held in place with packing tape. And when they said these things to their friends, all would hear of it and laugh and make merry.

But the Hand of the Lord was at work, and shewed Itself in the fourth month of the year 2008, when God sent a mighty wind and storm upon the land. And in the dark of night, the family of Hubs cried out, "Have mercy on us, as our habitation is thus being pelted with hail the size of monkey heads!" And behold, as the light dawned, Hubs and his wife, TC, did look upon their rooms and see glass glittering as a million small diamonds upon their floors, which caused them to say, "Surely we are not like Moses, for God has instructed us to put ON our shoes in this place. And holey moly, this carpet is soaked and smells like the fur of a wet dog."

And then, God did send an angel of mercy, he who was named Allstate, who declared to Hubs, "Behold, you shall receive new windows, a new roof, new siding, new carpet, and whatever else shall be necessary to re-build your place of habitation." And there was much rejoicing even though one car had suffered totally at the power of the hail the size of monkey heads.

So it was that the children of Hubs and his wife, TC, did empty out their bedrooms so that the habitation might be rebuilt. And TC pondered these things in her heart, and did smile, for she alone knew the truth: That the mighty stench of the Compost Heap of Underwear and Socks, that had long grown deep and dark in the room of her sons, had reached the nostrils of God in Heaven. And God had said, "Surely this stench is of The Evil One," and He sent forth the storm and the hail the size of monkey heads to utterly destroy it.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. ~ Romans 8:28

21 comments:

Beth said...

Well, I don't know whether to congratulate you or say how sorry I am. But, taking the cue from you, I'll say, "Who-hoo!" for you! Hope you all are hanging in there through all the remodel process.

beth

:)De said...

Wow!! Don't 'cha just love the way God answers prayers! You are a brilliant writer.
:)De

Amanda said...

Holy moly! I'm glad everyone is ok and glad for the man named Allstate. :)

Hugs,
Amanda

Sunydazy said...

I'm laughing so hard it's hard to see...
not AT you...just NEAR you...:-)
You have a great way with words. Who else can make scary, devastating hail storms sound fun????
I AM happy for you though...glad that Allstate has seen fit to come through.

Tiffany said...

Wow uh congratulations or uh sorry you were pelted with monkey head sized hail. I'm not sure what to say here but I did almost spit my coffee all over my keyboard.

bensrib said...

Well bless your heart! I hope it all goes quickly!

Gayle said...

This was a masterpiece of a post! Loved it!

Kimberly said...

Glad I had finished my coffee before reading, or lo, the snorting that did commence would have proved fatal (or at least painful). You are just too funny girl!

Dy said...

Three cheers for covered damages! Hip-hip, hurray! hip-hip, hurray! hip-hip, hurray!

We've made it three tornado seasons and this stoopid deck refused to just give up and collapse, already. I need to amend my prayers before we get the new one up...

Enjoy your refurbishing! (And I'm glad you're safe.)
Dy

cindy said...

So glad you've found the humor. I really enjoy reading your blog. Glad to know all are safe.

Keeley said...

What an AWESOME post! =)

Do I say "congratulations" or "commiserations"? I do hope your home is held together by something a bit stiffer than twinkie filling when the work's done... =)

Where are you residing in the meanwhile????

Andrew said...

Thanks for the update (comedy version)! Let us know how we can help.

Antelope said...

As I heard the serious part of this drama from Bunhead, I was very thankful to hear that you're doing well. That post was so funny, I literally read it to everyone at our church meeting tonight. So if you're suddenly very popular on blogspot, you can give me the credit. =D

Anxiously awaiting your next post,
Jess

chautona said...

That's it. You just became one of my favorite bloggers.

Oh, and for insight in "be careful for what you ask for you just might get it", check out my blog at paradoxology.wordpress.com and read about my remodeling. You might decide that twinkie filling has its charms.

Chautona

*waltzes away chuckling*

Dawn said...

Now, fifteen minutes had passed before Dawn could speak concerning the judgement of the Lord upon Hubs and TC, as she did lose her breath from much laughter.

And when the time came for the proclamation to be made, lo, she spoke thus,

"As the Lord lives, whatever this day shall bring from henceforth until sundown, I shall continue to be merry from much cackling."

Truly laughter is sweet, and it is pleasant for the eyes to be moistened by much merriment.

Dell said...

Oh, my! So sorry for the damage, but thank you so much for dlighting this blog reader with your wonderful rendering of it! I'll be laughing all night. May the fix ups be painless, and may you be blessed 7 fold.

bubbebobbie said...

Oh dear sister of the Mighty winds , I too was delivered from humid lands and allgators when God sent forth a wind the GreatNorcross called Andrew and set my family packing to the land of Giant redwoods, earthquakes and a guy named Paul Bunyan.

Praising God your framing held. Praying the stench does not change from stink boys to moldy insulation!

Because of Jesus, Bobbie

Mostly Sunny said...

Wow. That chapter must be in the TRV Bible (TX Redneck Version). It's not in my NIV and I looked and looked.

Tanya said...

Ok, the Casting Crowns song Praise You In The Storm just took on a new meaning to me. Glad to hear your ok.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw&feature=related

Junosmom said...

Well, the main thing is that it seemed God saved your computer - so you can blog about this and show His great mercy! Glad you are safe. Did you save any of those monkey heads for science class?

Rhen @yestheyareallmine said...

That is the best laugh I have had in a while. Thank you!
God is soooo good!