Friday, February 29, 2008

School. Or something like it.

(This entry is dedicated to my beautiful, funny sister, who is an outstanding public school educator and who has the ability to post God-awful childhood pictures of me on the 'net for the whole world to see.)

Some people might wonder how homeschooling actually works in a family's life, so I thought I would tell you our morning agenda.
  1. My alarm clock goes off at 8:00 am, and I lay there wondering why morning has to start so doggone early. If I ran the world, morning wouldn't begin until 11:00 am, maybe even noon.

  2. I stumble out of the bedroom and head for the kitchen. If I am lucky, one of the kids has already made coffee. This is not because of their unflagging love for me, but because it scares them to watch me try to operate small, kitchen appliances with my eyes closed.

  3. Because they know that I can barely remember to breathe at this early hour, my children know not to wait on a hot, cooked breakfast. They've already eaten their Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs and are now plotting how they can escape for the next few hours, hoping to avoid school altogether.

  4. One of the kids offers to take our black lab and go down to the road to pick up the daily newspaper, while I ingest a couple of cups of liquid CPR.

  5. Newspaper between her jaws, the dog returns to the house. The child does not.

  6. Fortunately, the paper is encased in a slobber-proof plastic wrapper, which, unfortunately, keeps Hillary's/Obama's/John's front page photo from being comically distorted by dog drool.

  7. I leaf through the paper, just to make sure there's not a world-wide recall of coffee beans.

  8. I start to feel my heart beating, which means it's time to start school.

  9. I send out calls, text messages, and carrier pigeons in an attempt to find my students.

  10. Thirty minutes later, I begin to read aloud from our history text.

  11. I am in the middle of the stirring words, "Listen, my children, and you shall hear, of the midnight ride of Paul Revere," when I hear slight noises from my children. Without looking up, I think, " Good, they're being moved by the drama of this poem. Gosh, isn't homeschooling wonderful?"

  12. The slight noises turn into bigger noises that sound suspiciously like muffled laughter.

  13. I look up and see that three of my students have turned their attention completely to Student #4.

  14. I turn my fiercest gaze upon the interrupter.

  15. It seems that Mr. Disruption has created, with the help of the plastic newspaper wrapper, a small visual aid for our history lesson: a model of the ghost of Paul Revere.

And here, my friends, is where homeschooling makes a dramatic departure from the public school model.

In a public school, the student would be disciplined for his mischief, perhaps by writing an essay on The Impact of Homosexual Patriots in 1776 American Society.

In a homeschool, the teacher takes a photo to commemorate the moment and posts it on her blog.


Amanda said...

ROFL....and you can tell he was proud of it too! :D


Anonymous said...

Oh. Priceless. I laughed out loud. Hilarious.

40winkzzz said...

Sounds like homeschooling at our house.

I'm still trying to figure out how he got a head and arms in that thing. When we (oops, er, I mean *my kids*) make those, they look more like jellyfish than ghosts. So I (I mean the kids, of course) have to compulsively wave them around saying, "I will call him Squishy and he shall be mine". Every time. Then we pop them. (By which I obviously mean the kids pop them. KIDS, I tell ya. Don't they have better things to do?)

Dy said...

Sounds about right to me!

Mine are just hitting the age where their jokes/comments/antics are funny-funny, not oh-that's-cute-let's-not-discourage-him-he's-little funny. It's nice. Except that I have snorted a lot of coffee from my nose this year b/c I just don't see it coming and they waylay me.

It's nice to see it doesn't end. ;-)


Mostly Sunny said...

Okay, tell us the truth. What he made was REALLY a visual representation of his mother as she arises in the morning b-4 her a.m java jumpstart, ja?

Joy said...

Ha! Who says homeschoolers can't think outside the box? Your rundown of the even absolutely cracked me up!

You have a fantastic blog and a terrific writing style--it's a joy to read.

A fellow homeschooling North Texan,


Netherfieldmom said...

Oh good, I'm not the only one who goes through this, only I feed horses at 6:30, drop back into bed in clothes until 7:30, read blogs until 8:30 and start all over again! ;)

Underdog said...

The homeschool movement is creating:

1. A generation of intelligent students that will take the world by storm through puppet making
2. A group of homeschool moms that considers downing Pepto and dark coffee a balanced diet
3. Some great blog posts.

Back from the dead,

Any chance I will get to defend my Bad Poetry title this year? I am much worser now.

Cindy said...

You are a gifted writer in the style of Erma Bombeck and Art Linkletter, drawing humor out of life's simple moments. That is worth more than memorizing the list of monarchs during the renaissance or other worthless trivia.

Your kids will cherish you and their childhood!

Keep it up for the sake of your family and for your fellow homeschoolers (even those of us not on coffee, but on diet Mountain Dew!)

TobyBo said...

I have found that commemorating the moment is not only more fun than discipline, but also a lot quicker.

Keeley said...

WAY COOL Paul Revere ghost.

40winkzzz, I asked my daughter that very same thing, and she said you push your fist into the bag to stretch it and that makes the head. Who knew?

Tiffany said...

I love it!!

Rhen @yestheyareallmine said...

LOLOL! Hey look, puppets to help bring history alive!

Ottawa Gardener said...

Oh man, do I love reading your blog. Beautiful!