Monday, February 25, 2008

Sanctification in 30 minutes, or it's free!

There's a church in Texas that advertises its "30 Minute Worship." If you check out their website, you will see that their order of service looks like this:

  • 8-10 minutes: singing
  • 15 minutes: sermon
  • 5 minutes: offering

Now, I'm not one to criticize the way other churches work, but this particular approach to worship does raise a couple of questions in my mind.

1. What about communion? Maybe they hand everyone a communion-to-go bag on the way out the door. You know, a juice box and a packet of saltine crackers. Gives new meaning to the term "Happy Meal."

2. I wonder how they baptize folks. I guess if there's only one baptism to be done, they might just nail the person with a squirt gun before he gets in his car. If they have a group, it'd probably be faster to just turn on the lawn sprinklers and tell all the baptees (Of course that's a real word. Whaddya think, I just make stuff up?) to run through as they leave the service.

3. Um, prayer? Oh, maybe the parishoners get credit for the one they uttered in the parking lot: "Please let me get a spot near the door so I can be the first person out the door and into Chili's before the after-church rush."

8 comments:

Mostly Sunny said...

I'm shamefully laughing. Funny and sad at the same time. We used to have a church around here that had a billboard that advertised: IN and OUT in one hour, guaranteed. I thought, "What, if you don't get out in an hour they give you back your offering??"

Rhen @yestheyareallmine said...

That is funny yet so sad. Do people have so little time for God that if the "praise and worship" time goes beyond 30 to 60 minutes a week then God is being too demanding?
I like the question of Mostly Sunny above. Makes me also wonder if they spend any time in fellowship.

Kelley said...

That seems almost just a motion rather than worship but who knows maybe some people go and really feel uplifted.

Amanda said...

Hmmmm....maybe they could put in 2 drive through windows like fast food restaurants. You know, one to leave your tithing and one to get the sermon. Whatcha think?

Hugs,
Amanda

Chris said...

all i go to is a p+w monday night thing and idk 45mins is a little long... :)

i e-mailed u tonight btw

Debi said...

Well that is sad, how can you put a time limit on the Holy Spirit? Most sitcoms last longer than that!!

The Moody Foodie said...

Communion? Oh we don't have time for that! We prefer coffee-munion, where everybody swings through Starbucks on the way in and grabs their own. Why do you think the pews have cup holders?

And I'm thinking the way to do baptisms is a once a year trip to a theme park. Pile everybody in the log ride, and *SPLASH* everyone baptized in one, quick shot.

lillinda said...

LOVED IT !!!