Thursday, January 24, 2008

It's Not Much, But I'm Very Good At It.

One of the nicer parts of getting old is that you sort of figure out what your purpose in life is. You're way past that moment of panic when you realize your school years are finished and you actually have to find The Job: the career that helps you mine your talents to their fullest; the career that allows you to make the world a better place for future generations; the career that earns a you millionaire bucks in the first two years. In other words, when you get older, you realize you're not going to be Steve Jobs, Ben or Jerry, or the guy who started Starbucks, and that's okay. You're content with doing whatever it is that makes your life purposeful.

I've finally figured out that my purpose in life is to fall down. 


In front of large groups of people.

Just last week, I took a tumble in the lobby of a hockey rink, right in the middle of about 100 other parents. Actually, "tumble" is too mild a word. I pretty much just crashed to the ground like a C130 with all engines smoking and landing gear up.

The funny thing was, in the 1.5 seconds between standing and then pressing my cheek to the concrete floor, I had time to think about a bunch of things. No, not my whole life flashing before my eyes - I'm old, I'd need to fall off a 100-story building to have time for that. No, I was thinking about the last time I fell down in public, and how, once again, I was either going to 1) wake up later in the hospital, or 2) find myself staring at some strange man's shoes as he assisted me to my feet, while I was wishing I could crawl under the bleachers and hide among the KitKat wrappers. I was desperately hoping for Option #1, so as to avoid having to face all the people who were about to witness my unintentional stage-dive-without-the-stage.

Naturally, I ended up with Option #2.

And get this. When I told my kids what had happened, they said, "Oh, man, we can't believe we missed it!" A broken pencil gets more compassion around here than I do.

Anyway. Thank you for all the kindly concern over my foot. I think it's getting better, but right now I'm hardly noticing it. My attention has been focused on the blue racing stripe I'm sporting down my right thigh, and the way my right shoulder feels like it was ripped off and used to bludgeon my rib cage.

My big worry now is that my various groups of acquaintances are someday going to cross paths. If that happens, they might start sharing "Remember When TC Wiped Out In Front of the Deli Meat?" stories, and before I know it, they'll be buying me a walker with tennis balls on the bottom of the legs for my next birthday.


Shelley said...

Oh man, I can't believe I missed it!

Mostly Sunny said...

Okay, so I no longer buy the story that I'm adopted. Just ask my hubs how many times he's laughed at, I mean, helped me up after I've fallen from not watching where I'm going. And our mother? Tripped over a speed bump in front of a hospital. Now THAT's embarrassing.

Beth said...

Too funny! I'm pretty clutzy myself, with lots of bruises and bumps, scrapes and cuts to prove it. Can we just blame hormones shifts? Let's do!


Hoosier Mama said...

Hey TC,

Wanna go skating?

Heh heh.

Kimberly said...

When I was in high school, my twin sister, older brother, my mom and I were walking to my science class on Open House night. My mom was opening a candy bar while moving and missed a shallow pancake type step, falling down on her knees. Wonderful children that we were, we focused on the important thing-the candy bar. As mom fell down, the candy bar went up-right into our hands. Boy, was she embarrassed, sitting in the front row. (the only seat left by the time we arrived) She sat right in front of the teacher, in a skirt, with bloody knees! I know she could relate to your experiences.:)

Keeley said...

Obviously you fell down because of the horrific injury to your foot - it had nothing to do with clumsiness at all.

I'm hoping your family all rallied round and did all the cooking and chores etc for you whilst your foot was so bruised and swollen? And, you know, brought you important things like ice packs and chocolate?

In other news, my son was telling me how awesome he thinks your blog is, and how great the name of your blog is because it's so random. He wants to know why it's called "fish in my hair"?

I'm thinking it's because you....I don't know....were grocery shopping somewhere and slipped in front of the seafood counter and ended up with fish on you?

Katydid said...

One windy Saturday morning I decided I would slip off to a garage sale. Having homeschooled four kids all week I just needed a little break, you know? Anyway as I walked up the driveway of the sale the wind picked up a twin-sized mattress and body slammed me to the ground. There I was sandwiched between mattress and pavement thinking "OMGosh"! A kind fellow shopper quickly lifted the "bed" off of me and asked if I was ok. "Yes, I'm fine except my knee kinda hurts." (and I am totally humiliated) The homeowner completely ignored me probably afraid I would sue. Well I hobbled back to my car and drove home. As I limped into the house the fam looked at me and asked what happened. After telling the whole story do you think there was any sympathy in that room. Oldest daughter screams, "Man, I wished I could have been there with a camera"! Sheesh!

Kelley said...

You need to wrap yourself in bubble wrap and just stay inside.

Chris said...

On the day that I am so busy I can't make it to lunch, I get a box of wonderful food and a letter that let me know you care :) Thanx so much--I needed this package today is more than one way.

And...I can't seem so find your e-mail or # so If you could e-mail me ( that'd be awesome.

TobyBo said...

"a broken pencil gets more compassion" -- I think you just defined motherhood.

MamaTee said...

I am certainly feeling compassion for you. As well as sympathy. No, more like empathy. I am lying in bed typing this on my laptop with an extra pillow under my butt because I managed to fall ever so clumsily down the stairs going from my home (a camping trailer) to my yard (11 other people share this yard and thank God none of them happened to see the fall!!). This, of course, happened the same day I made fun of my sister for ever so clumsily falling down the stairs and spraining her ankle. Karma? Or just genetics?

So that was over a week ago. I still take at least a minute to stand up after sitting down and sitting down is quite a process in itself! To make things better, I currently live in Mexico where driving down the average road is like 4x4ing through the mountains so needless to say, the healing is not going so swiftly. Hubby told me I'm walking like I did after giving birth. And DS1 (5yrs) makes a point of smacking my rear daily and asking me if my "butt's still broken".

So yes. I can relate. Get well soon - and watch your step (especially around stairs)!!


P.S. I LOVE your blog. Your humor is a breath of fresh air. Definitely comes in handy on days like today when I'm gasping for it!