Monday, January 28, 2008

Awarding Idiocy

I'm not much of a TV watcher, but last night my kids convinced me to sit down with them for a show on the "achievements" (if growing one's toenails out to 15 inches long can be called an achievement) of people who are in the Guiness Book of World Records. Here's what I think.




  1. I don't know how mankind has survived as long as it has. You have to wonder when our gene pool includes people like the guy who ran barefoot across 140 hot stove elements. (I'm not sure if that number is correct, because while I was watching the guy, I was thinking, "Now, if this guy had 15 inch toenails that might burst into flames while he's doing this, that would really be something!")

  2. I think past humans were much smarter than recent generations. I mean, if God had suspected that Noah's sons, having a little down time after mucking out the giraffe stalls, would say, "Dude, let's see if we can hold the tarantulas in our mouths while we blow soap bubbles!", I'm pretty sure He would have bagged the whole ark idea and had Himself a do-over.

  3. 100% of the insane records are held by men. It has something do with the way their brains work, I guess. I don't know a single woman who would wake up one day and say, "Gee, my abs workout went so well yesterday, I think I'll let 7 trucks drive over my belly today." Or, "Hmm, there's not much on my agenda this afternoon. It might be a good time to hook some cables to a van and see if I can pull it with meat hooks pierced through my back muscles."

I think there's a chance one of my sons could someday be in the record books. They've already got a good start on one category: Largest Indoor Compost Heap Made Entirely of Hanes Underwear.

8 comments:

Mostly Sunny said...

Hummm... Sasquatch and Turkeyman might have to battle the Boy for that underwear record.

Junosmom said...

Oh, I don't know. I think we'll have to trade e-photos. My daughter may have your sons beat on that compost heap. We have clothes that have actual (horse)manure mixed into it, so that will add to the ultimate quality of the compost.

~Rhen said...

Love, love your thoughts!

lillinda said...

My son will make the newspapers "Boy Smothered By Lego Men".
How did he get so many? I think thoere must be a few Lego Ladies in there!!
Linda

CrossView said...

Fascinating and weird stuff.
One of my kids has the latest book version. And I'm forever hearing, "OOH! Gross! Come look!" Which sounds a lot like, "This stinks. Here, smell."
Uh, no thanks. =/

Netherfieldmom said...

TC--I gotta compete with that Hanes underwear thing. I helped my daughter put sheets on her loft bed tonight and I swear that entire mattress is floating on a sea of pistachio shells and candy wrappers! No wonder the mattress sits up so high. Is it a teenage thing?

Netherfieldmom said...

TC--I gotta compete with that Hanes underwear thing. I helped my daughter put sheets on her loft bed tonight and I swear that entire mattress is floating on a sea of pistachio shells and candy wrappers! No wonder the mattress sits up so high. Is it a teenage thing?

Jill said...

Please enter my boys in the underwear thing. One of them complained that he was running out of underwear, and couldn't find anymore so (stupid me) I bought him some more. I later found the new underwear adding to the pile in his closet. I don't understand how he can keep putting them in there, then forget about them.
"Hey son, have you ever heard of WASHING them???"
I would also like to enter my younger son in the record for the most consecutive days of wearing the same shirt to school. He has other shirts and they are clean. He just really likes that one.
Go figure.