Friday, December 28, 2007

Who are these people, and how did they get in my house?

So there I was, bustling around the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on our Christmas dinner. Yes, I actually cooked. No canned crescent rolls, by golly. I dusted off the bread machine and made a loaf of bread. And don't even tell me that using a bread machine isn't really cooking. In my house, any dish that requires
  1. the use of a measuring spoon/cup, or
  2. the stirring of two ingredients together (even if those two ingredients are only water and a box of artificial flavorings), or
  3. a container other than a paper plate
officially qualifies as something that has been "cooked." By that definition, making coffee, jello, and hummingbird sugar-water counts as cooking.

And besides that, I made twice-baked potatoes, which had to have been thought up by a man. No woman in her right mind would create a recipe that requires you to prepare the same ingredients two different ways in one dish. You don't see women baking chocolate chip cookies, then crumbling them up and baking them again, do you? No, you do not, because we eat the dough before it even makes it to the oven the first time.

Anyway. My family had seated themselves at the dining room table, and I was happily meditating on the birth of Christ, God's gracious gift of a Savior, and whether Mary's sciatic nerve was killing her after riding on a donkey in her last month of pregnancy. Then, basking in this spiritual glow, I carried the last few meal items into the dining room, where the topic of conversation was this:

"Do male squid have nuts?"

And they wonder why I never invite guests for the holidays.


lillinda said...

Whew ! Well we are not the only ones! One of the topics at my house was,"When bees shoot out the wax for the honeycomb, does it come out it's butt or what?"
I still don't know. I thought I might look it up but I was too stuffed with pumpkin pie to get up.

bubbebobbie said...

oh that is so funny. I would love to know what preceeded this discussion. But I did find an answer for you (You know I love to do that),,2-13-1443_1806965,00.html
I think the answer is in the 8th paragraph.

Can't wait to hear what tonight's dinner conversation is.

Because of Jesus,Bobbie

Anonymous said...

What? Like pecans or walnuts?

Kelley said...

I'm in love with you definition of cooking! That should be immediatly added to Websters!

I'm glad someone already found the answer to that question because now I had to know!

Debi said...

OH man, sounds like some of my family dinner conversations unfortunately! You just have to wonder what lead up to THAT observation don't you?

'Like pecans or walnuts', that is too funny. Oh yall don't know how your wit blessed me tonight.

Hey I think cooking is opening & can & heating up something, because a trained chimp can eat out of a can but it takes a real woman to know how to heat it up without burning it! Right?

Junosmom said...

Were you, like, eating squid or did your son just have this burst of insight out of the blue?

Hoosier Mama said...

Sounds like a Texas-sized science fair project in the making to me. Picture a diplay board proudly adorned witht he research title of...

Nuts: Which critters have 'em, which ones don't.

Don Lewis said...

Being the pedantic sort I am, I just can't help but mention that Mary probably didn't ride the donkey. In those heady days of male domination, she'd be leading the ass that was riding the same; preggo or not.

Love your blog. Have a happy New Year.

bensrib said...

So glad to hear there are like-minded families out there. Our latest conversation was informing the youngest that owl pellets were puked up, not pooped out.

CrossView said...

So do they??!!

You can invite me over anytime!
As long as I don't have to cook, the conversation won't affect my eating!!!

Harris said...

by golly?