Wednesday, December 12, 2007

If It Ain't Broke, Let My Husband Work On It.

Every spring, we go to visit my in-laws, and nearly every spring, my father-in-law has a different computer than the last time we were there. He claims it's because "the old one just didn't do what I needed it to," but my mother-in-law usually follows that up with a whispered, "He's always trying to cram 40 pounds of potatoes in a 5 pound sack."

Well, I married Mr. Potato Crammer, Jr.

I've written before about my husband's personal mission to own every piece of music that has ever been recorded. (By the way, if you have a copy of "King Tutunkahmen Sings the Christmas Classics," let me know.) Said bloated music collection has resided quite happily on our iMac until Nov. 10. Why do I remember the date, you ask? Because that's the last time I was able to access my email. Here's what happened.

Nov. 10: The Hubster comes home with a box and says, "I bought an external hard drive to back up iTunes." I nod. How naive of me.

Nov. 11: Hubster casually mentions that the hard drive appears to have interfered with some of the other software on the computer, but not to worry, he can fix it. I notice that the computer sounds like a cricket on methamphetamines.

Nov. 12: Hubster comes home with another box and says, "I bought another external hard drive to back up the first hard drive." I begin to worry.

Nov. 13: I hear Hubster on the phone with the Apple help desk. "Hi, Brian, I'm having some trouble with my iMac..." I notice that the computer actually makes a grunting sound when booted up.

Nov. 14: Hubster comes home with yet another box and says, "I bought another external hard drive to back up the first two." (I swear I am not making this up.) Hubster spends 2 hours talking to his new friend, Customer Service Brian.

Nov. 15: When I attempt to use the computer, I get the Apple spinning beach ball of death. (For you PC users, this is the Mac equivalent of the the Windows blue screen of death.) Hubster calls Brian at Apple again. "Hey, Brian, it's me. How's the weather there? Yeah, I need more help..."

Nov. 16: Hubster comes home with another box, but this time he says, "I'm going to install a new operating system." I swear I can see the computer actually try to move off the desk in a fruitless attempt to run away.

Nov. 17: I hear Hubster on the phone. "The Brianator! You da man! Hey, how did your mom's hernia surgery go?..." The computer is on life support. I go searching for those Valiums that were left over from the time Hubster "fixed" the air conditioning unit.

Nov. 18: Hubster takes the computer to the nearest Apple store for a little R&R, and returns home with a big box. He says, "Merry Christmas. I bought you a new iMac." I weep tears of joy and promise to love, honor, and cherish my new computer as long as we both shall live.

Nov. 19: I rue the fact that I did not grab up that big box and hide it with my chocolate stash, because Hubster proceeds to set up the new computer, and says, "Hey! This has parental controls!" OH DEAR GOD. Hubster + Control = Very Bad Outcome For Everyone Else In Our House. be continued....


Anonymous said...

Laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes!

Thanks for the laughs! I love reading your blog! :)


midwifemom said...

Yeah, sounds like what happened with my dad and my computer. He works all day on my computer, discovers the motherboard is overheating. We go to Wal-Mart, he buys new computer. He puts old hard drive into new computer, so I don't lose information. I'm still trying to figure out how to access things.

Anonymous said...

Thankfully, my husband is quite handy, but you sound exactly like my best friend. She calls me at least once a week with another story of her husband "fixing" somehthing. She's afraid for him to touch the computer.

Junosmom said...

I'd hid that sucker under my underwear or someplace where you know he won't go - like in the cleaning supplies or something.

Junosmom said...

mmm..that didn't sound right. I mean in my underwear _drawer_.

Chris said...

lol wow my dad has one CD: styx greaest hits...but yeah i am comp dumb but know the most in our awlways hurt him when he has to call me over for help though :)

Antelope said...

Oh, that cracked me up. I guess your emails are back up now? Hope so... 'cuz it's Bunhead's birthday! I wished her a happy one, but will you tell her again for me? =)


CerealKiller said...

Hehe, sounds like an interesting experience. I hope it works out well.

Lol, I liked the part about buying another external hard drive to back up the first one. :P

BTW, I got a blogger blog. =D

Jill said...

LOL, at our house, we refer to it as the EVIL spinning beach ball. I like your name for it better.
My 12 yo 'Apple Geek' son tells me "Mom, if you just stop clicking on things, and wait a while the beach ball will go away."
"Yes" I say, "and if I force quit it will go away faster."
Here's an idea, what if you used the parental controls to keep your DH from having acess to your computer?
Loved this post!

Keeley said...

1. Hahahahaha! Great post! Reminds me of when we first owned a computer and my husband would reformat it almost every weekend.

2. junosmom - AHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! =D =D =D Oh my gosh! That was so funny. =D

I read your first post and my brain mentally filled in with "drawer". It's not until that I read your second post that I realized you'd advised her to hide it in her underwear. ROFL!!! =D

Diesel said...

The Brianator! Helpin' me with my Mac. The Brister. Brionicus. Brian.

CerealKiller said...

I've awarded you the You Make Me Smile award. =D

Chris said...

Hey you! No fair, you got 99 votes and I got 98! :D

Hope you are doing good. Need some snow?

Mrs.Martin said...

Just found your blog through the Homeschool Nomination 2007, for funniest blog. My daughter and I voted for you of course. You have a great way with words and describing your life. Truly funny.

the frogster said...

I'm kind of the same way with music. I do, in fact, have an external drive for my music stuff, because there's a lot of it and it could slow down the computer if it was all on the main drive. However, it works for me. Everything works for me. This is because at the first sign of it not working I chuck it out the window and decide I didn't want it in the first place.

I know myself (and I speak only for myself) well enough to know that, for me, $400 of computer stuff and 40 hours on the phone is not worth making our $1000 computer act like a $1200 computer. So I just carry on in my not 100% technologically advanced, but fully functioning world.