Friday, November 16, 2007

And no Rent-To-Own Catapult Store for 30 miles.

So the big news in north Texas yesterday was that of a fuel truck that exploded on Interstate 35, one of the busiest roadways in the Dallas area. The highway was shut down in both directions, and thousands of drivers were stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic for interminable lengths of time.

I was driver #8,742.

I studied the scowling guy in the landscaping truck over in the next lane. I wondered if this traffic jam was going to be the breaking point for the poor man's mental status, and tomorrow he'd get to work and go postal on the bermuda grass. Hey, you never know. Neighbors shaking their heads and saying, "He's just not the kind of guy you'd think would go berserk and attack innocent shrubbery with a weed whacker."

In the seat next to me, my agitated son was wondering why God would not simply part the ocean of cars in front of us, a la Moses & the Red Sea. To his 12-year-old way of thinking, getting to hockey practice was obviously a lot more important than hiking through the desert in your bathrobe.

Then I got this urgent call on my cell phone, from my oldest son: "Mom, I'm cooking hot dogs and we're out of buns."

Mm. How to respond?
  • Hold on. I have to get out of the car and look to see if it's a delivery truck with an Orowheat emblem on the side.
  • No problem. I keep a emergency package of hot dog buns in the trunk, right there with the jumper cables and first aid kit.
  • I'll stop at the next grocery store I see, buy some buns, and have them sent right over via African swallow. I'd get them there sooner, but my transporter isn't working.
  • I'm at mile marker #118. Bring me some flour, yeast, and milk, and I'll whip some up. They can bake on the idling engine block, which is nearing a gazillion degrees.

Seriously, am I the only mother who gets called to remedy all manner of food crises when she's 60 miles from home? I can be on another continent, in a different time zone, where it costs $40 a second to use my cell phone, and I'll get a call from my kids, "Mom! There's only a tablespoon of wasabi horseradish left in the jar! What are we supposed to do?!" I usually say, "Have you mentioned this to your dad?" And what do they tell me? "No. We didn't want to bother him while he's playing Halo. So can you come home and pick some up on your way into town?"

Well, I'd love to rant more, but I'm approaching mile marker 118.5, and I think we might be off the highway in the next hour or two. Then I have to find a Sam's Club, because I just received a text message, from my kids, consisting of a 94 item grocery list.


midwifemom said...

I like the first and last answers. It sounds like my boys. I will be in the bathroom, but they will bring me a package that they can't get open. Hello did you try the scissors?

lillinda said...

Hey ! I know that traffic. I used to live in Big D. Glad you weren't nearer to that truck.
And believe me, one day you'll wish they'd call more often, even to ask for peanut butter !

Anonymous said...

no, you are not the only one. My 12 year old will call me asking if he can eat. "No. You cannot eat, you must fast until I get him to prepare you a 6 course meal."
I've got two more coming up behind him to compete for the goofiest bottomless pit award. yeah.

Beth said...

My son will come find me to ask me to pull up his sleeves (he's 3). I'll ask, where's dad, can't he help, and realize that Dad was sitting immediately next to said son. Crazy. I guess there's just something about a mom and her ways.


Shelley said...

No, we didn't want to bother him while he was playing Halo.

Could you please start putting a warning label on your posts?!? Thank goodness I didn't have any drink in my mouth or I would've spewed it on the screen.

Seriously, the warning label is in your best interest because we do live in a country where someone could probably sue you for making them spew coffee on their laptop.

My 9yo just caming running in to see why I was laughing hysterically and I read it all to him and he just looked at me.

Debi said...

Wow, that truck explosion was on FoxNews and I recognized where it was by the video, close to our hometown. So sad that the truck driver, a 28yo with a pregnant wife died, but the traffic back up was amazing. And now I read they have to replace all the asphalt shoulder to shoulder so expect lots more delays through there, they are trying to get it fixed by Thanksgiving.

Now on to a lighter topic. I don't know what it is either that makes kids come to us instead of Dad!! Maybe it's because we carried them in our own bodies that somehow there's a psychic connection that draws them to us. Personally, it annoys the pee out of me. My brain is working on my own things, cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner, grocery shopping, bill paying, house cleaning, homework helping, wifely perks, counseling, late-night-soothing of broken hearts of our daughters, trying to understand our boys, Room Mom, substitute teaching, and now in the middle of all that you call me to settle an argument about who gets to ride in the front seat next week on our Thanksgiving trip!! Are you kidding me? So I totally understand your dilemma and pray they realize that they didn't get here by me alone and that Dad has a brain too ya know.

Mostly Sunny said...

Got a call from our almost-18 year old last week while we were at a football game.
BJ: Daddy, the dogs are barking!
Den: So?
BJ: What is someone's out there?
Den: I'm an hour away. What do you want me to do about it?
BJ: I can't believe you left me here all alone!

I guess nest time she wants us to hire a "baby" sitter?

Dawn said...

Love the ideas for possible answers!

Which one did you go with? LOL

Jess said...

We were stuck in the traffic, too, for about three hours. I was trying to get to ballet. We were kinda irritable by the time I got to my studio, but then I found out that my teacher was an intimate friend to the 28 year old's family - enough to where her son (my teacher's) was in the 28 yo's wedding. Hard to take in. She also knew the guy who was burned so bad. Two of my friends were driving RIGHT in front of the truck when the accident happened (they saw everything), and my family (S. and M.'s family) were close behind. the truck. So, in a weird kind of way the whole thing hits really close to home.

Queenie said...

I'd like the recipe and full instructions on how you make hot dog buns on your engine block. This could save me a lot of time. Multitasking is the way to go.

Chris said...

heyo so you were part of the news, that is cool lol yep, when traffic stops like that it is a great time to share switchfoot with the surrounding cars, just roll down the windows and turn it up baby, yep lol works at stop lights too :)

Susannah said...

Oh my goodness. I about died laughing at the mention of Dad playing Halo. That's the way it is at my house.

Luckily, I don't go out much except to the grocery store one block over, so at least I'm usually readily available for problem solving.

Glad to see you made it home in one piece!

Susannah said...

P.S. This is one reason why my DH will not let us have cell phones. He refuses to be reachable unto the uttermost parts of the earth.

Becky said...

That's classic, "We didn't want to bother him while he's playing Halo", lol.