Tuesday, July 10, 2007

To my children: I've figured out your plan, you Communists.

My kids are getting exceptionally devious.

They had a couple of homeschooled friends over yesterday. The boys set up their electronic instruments in Husband's shop and made like Wayne's World for a couple of hours. I guess that didn't satisfy their need for extremely defeaning noise, because then they set off fireworks for a while. I'm sure it caused our neighbor's cows to hemorrhage from the ears, and shook their ovaries so badly, they won't reproduce for three years.

Anyway. Our guests stayed overnight, and this morning, I am proud to say, I got up early and made them chocolate chip pancakes. I even managed to remember which kids were the visitors and which ones were the regular residents, and I didn't do anything embarrassing like drink coffee straight from the pot.

Later in the afternoon, we arranged for our guests to stay over again tonight. FashionBug then asked me, "Mom, are you going to fix a fancy breakfast again tomorrow, or should we just have cereal?" It was right then that the light bulb went on over my head.

My children learned the signs of impending company long ago. You know how it goes. Mom is busy vacuuming, removing seven dirty socks from the magazine rack, and wondering why turning the ceiling fan on "high" doesn't cause the 2 inches of dust to just blow off it. The kids see this activity and say, "Who's coming over, Mom?"

But now my kids have figured out that Having Visitors = Good Eatin'. They know that my pride won't allow me to send a couple of homeschooled kids back to their mothers with the report that I fed them Sugar Frosted Cocoa Bombs and Orange Flavored Fructo-Drinko ("Now with REAL ORANGES pictured on the label!"). So when a couple of weeks have gone by and my claim that "Really! StuffMart is completely out of grocery goods because that tidal wave over in Micronesia caused a worldwide shortage of modified food starch!" starts to ring false, my children throw out an invitation to someone - anyone! - just so they can get a good meal.

The sneaky little miscreants. Next thing I know, one of them is going to threaten to marry someone who's 6'9" tall, just to get me to clean the top of the refrigerator.

No comments: