Monday, January 8, 2007

Stuff and nonsense smackdab in the middle of the night.

Disclaimer: I take no responsiblity for what I am about to write. I haven't been sleeping well for nearly a week. Tonight I find myself wandering the house at 3:00 am, wondering if the rest of the family would wake up if I started that kitchen demolition/remodeling project now, and if they did, could I convince them to pull up the vinyl flooring that's so old it resembles petrified Velveeta?

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Yesterday my thirteen year old daughter, FashionBug, added a new word to our already mortifyingly close to Snuffy Smith family vocabulary. My oldest son, Mr. Hygiene Policeman, was grilling her about what she was putting on her face. She calmly answered, "Moisturenizer." Mr. Hygiene Policeman, never one to let go by a good laugh at someone else's expense, kept a straight face and said, "What is it?" FashionBug produced the bottle, and pointing very deliberately to the label, as if explaining it to someone who speaks only a tribal Indonesian dialect, replied, "Moist.Ture.NIZE.Er." So. If you're suffering from dry skin, get you down to BerthaRae's Pharmacy and Gift Boutique and pick you up some moisturenizer.

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So with sleep eluding me, I decided tonight would be a good time to clean up my blog and make some modifications. One of the things I wanted to do was add a new web tracking tool, since StatCounter no longer works here due to its being written in JavaScript. (Don't ask me what JavaScript is. For all I know, it's a tribal Indonesian dialect. All I know is that JavaScript is now a no-no on HSB.) So off I went, surfing the web in search of a new tracking tool. Now I'm sure some of you could have accomplished this task in less time than it takes Tony Romo to fumble a football. But I, being the internet's version of the village idiot, needed the better part of two hours to locate a tracking site, sign up for service, wait to receive the HTML code via email, and then discover it was written in JavaScript. And not just once. No, I went through this exercise FOUR times before I finally gave up and installed a wimpy little visitor counter. And then I promptly but unintentionally inflated my own counter numbers by re-reading most of my entries from 2006. So now you know that I haven't really had 78 visitors in one day. Seventy five of them were me, and the other three were people who got lost on their way to googling a map to BerthaRae's Pharmacy.

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Well, it's now 4:15 a.m. I'm going to make one last effort at sleep. If I'm not drifting into dreamland in half an hour, I'm going to log back in to HSB and make delirious comments on all my friends' blogs, using assorted combinatons of the words "taco," "No. 2 pencil," and "orthopedic shoe". You've been warned.

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