Wednesday, January 31, 2007

So You Want to be a Suitor

If you're going to raise teenagers, you can't be a wimp.

This fact was hammered home to me last week, when Princess BunHead received not one, but two notes from boys, indicating their interest in her. One, a local boy, wants to take her to one of his basketball games. The other, out of state, expressed his desire to visit her in the summer, and then, when he is enlisted in the Air Force, to see her during his leave times.

A mother just can't take this lying down. So, in a spirit of decided non-wimpiness, I have drafted an application form to be complete by any males interested in my girls.

Here is the cover letter.

Dear Applicant,

Thank you for your notice of interest in Our Daughter (hereafter referred to as OD) and affiliation with Our Family (hereafter referred to as OF). We commend you in your pursuit of excellence.

As you may know, OF recently instituted stringent guidelines for admission into our Suitor Program. It is our desire that those wishing to affiliate with OD/OF be of the highest moral and ethical character; demonstrate an aptitude for spiritual leadership; display a strong work ethic; prove significant intellectual proficiency in vocabulary, writing, mathematics, and the sciences; and be gifted with an exceptional sense of humor.

Our Suitor Program is rigorous. Candidates can expect to complete courses such as Feats of Strength; History of Ice Hockey; Building an Airplane From the Ground Up, With Only a Screwdriver and a Rubber Mallet; Killing & Grilling; Understanding the Female Mind; Rock Music Appreciation & Theory; Care & Keeping of Your Dodge Ram Pickup; and The Manly Art of Power Tool Prowess.

To that end, you will find enclosed an Application for Admission. Please complete it in its entirety and return it to us, along with all required documents and attachments. Our review committee will determine your compatibility with OD/OF and notify you of your acceptance into the Suitor Program.

Best wishes,

TC, Co-Director of Admissions


Tomorrow: The Application

No comments: