Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Rules for Shopping With Teens

Inspiration for this entry came from Shellie. Go read her post and then come back here.

Okay, so besides not mentioning that you might need to purchase underwear, and never uttering the word "bathroom" in public, what else do you need to know about shopping with teenagers?

  1. Wear gray or beige. Your main job is to blend in with the floor and walls of the stores you will be entering, rendering yourself nearly invisble.
  2. Do not play with the video game displays. Do not enter the video game aisle. Do not act as though you know anything about video games. And whatever you do, never, ever mention that you once beat your sixteen year old son at Guitar Hero II.
  3. You may enter the music aisle as long as you do not hum "What's New, Pussycat," when you notice a Tom Jones CD in the oldies section.
  4. Do not verbally ask your teen if he/she needs deodorant, toothpaste, acne cream, or other personal hygiene items. All communication about said needs must be done via brain waves or facial contortions.
  5. Do not hold up a lime green t-shirt in the women's department and tell your fifteen year old daughter it would look cute on her. Instead, go to the junior's department where you can find the same t-shirt made of half the material for fifteen dollars more.
  6. Never call a sales clerk "Dude," as this term is to be uttered only by people under the age of 21, which you definitely are not.
  7. Do not let your thirteen year old daughter go to the cosmetics department without a retrieval rope, or you will not see her again until she's fourteen and wearing 20 different colors of nail polish.
  8. Do not say to your son, "When we get out of here, I'm going to stop and get gas."
  9. Do not roll your eyes when the seventeen year old sales guy blatantly flirts with your daughter. You must appear to be deaf and mute.
  10. Carry a pen. When your teen asks for another $100 iPod accessory that he "really, really NEEDS," you can produce the pen and reply, "Here, let me go help you fill out a job application."

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