Saturday, January 28, 2006

"I'm So Tired"

That's a song sung by the inimitable Madelyn Kahn, in Blazing Saddles, and I've decided to make it my personal theme song. I don't know if it's age or lifestyle, but I'm exhausted. Maybe it's genetics - my family crest prominently features a yawning sloth (which I think is a good name for a rock band, by the way). If it weren't for coffee and diet Dr. Pepper, I'd accomplish nothing.


Last night, I was too tired to go to bed. I just sat there for an hour, looking dazed, like a deer in headlights. (Oh, wait. I guess deer in headlights look more startled than dazed. Well, I'm too tired to stretch my pinky finger to the delete key, so I'm running with this analogy.) Anyway. Not just any normal deer. I was more like a lobotomized deer who's been stuffed into lead underpants. You get the picture.


So because I'm too tired to write anything especially witty or significant or even stupid, I'm just going to answer the following questions with which QueenofHearts tagged me.


7 awesome movies


  1. Chocolat
  2. The Shawshank Redemption
  3. Driving Miss Daisy
  4. Lonesome Dove
  5. Chicago
  6. Pirates of the Carribbean
  7. Memento

7 Great Music People

  1. the late Eva Cassidy
  2. James Taylor
  3. David Wilcox
  4. FFH
  5. Bela Fleck & The Flecktones
  6. Aretha Franklin
  7. The Mamas and The Papas

7 people I talk to almost every day


  1. The husband
  2. 15 year old son
  3. 14 year old daughter
  4. 12 year old daughter
  5. 10 year old son
  6. my pug (well, he thinks he's a person)
  7. myself


7 things I love


  1. My church
  2. Chocolate
  3. Mocha peppermint lattes
  4. Peanut butter M&Ms
  5. My family
  6. My doggies
  7. the beach


7 things you could call me


  1. Mrs. __________ (my last name)
  2. She Who Must Be Obeyed
  3. Her Royal Highness, The Queen of the World
  4. Chicken Lady
  5. Mean Mom
  6. Chocolate addict
  7. TC - which today stands for Tired Chick


7 states I love


  1. Texas
  2. Oklahoma
  3. New Jersey
  4. Texas
  5. North Carolina
  6. Arizona
  7. Texas


And I'm too tired to tag anyone else, so if you feel like answering these yourself, go ahead. I've got to go sleep through - er, WATCH, I mean WATCH, my son's hockey game.

Tuesday, January 3, 2006

Urgent, I need to know

Can I give a dog Gas-X or something like it? One of our pugs has some serious intestinal issues today, like he's stinkin' us out. It's a good thing it's warm today and I can have the doors open. If it was cold and I had to light a fire in the woodstove, the house would explode. He's putting out so much methane, he's probably destroyed 50% of the ozone layer all by himself. I really believe doggie gas can make your nose hairs curl.


If this keeps up, his name will be changed from Dewey to Phew-wee, or maybe even to "Pug, free to good home with excellent ventilation."

Sunday, January 1, 2006

There's no "Olive Garden" sign over my front door.

My son is a foodie. This was confirmed to me yesterday after this conversation:


Son: What do we have for lunch?


Me: Peanut butter & jelly. Chicken noodle soup. Grilled cheese. Ramen noodles.


Son: Nah....[looks at me with a cheery, hopeful expression] ... I know! I think I'd like some meatballs in marinara sauce!


I had to actually put my hands up to see if a chef's hat had miraculously sprouted out of the top of my head. This child has lived with me for 15 years and still believes that I'm going to hand him a menu before every meal. He ought to know by now that my idea of a fixing a hot meal is pouring a cup of coffee. I think he hopes that some day he'll wake up and I'll be changed into Julia Child.


The boy plans to enlist in the Army at age 18. I can't wait to hear about the first time he says to the mess hall cook, "You know, I don't really feel like having meatloaf today. Do you have any blackened mahi-mahi with a side of fettuccini?" Man, they'll have him doing so many push-ups he'll be grateful for a lima bean on a cracker.


For now, I'm going to lock up all of my cookbooks in the gun safe. I can't have my son reading recipes and getting crazy ideas about crepes for breakfast.