Friday, June 23, 2006

Some people's kids

I thought my own children were getting just too tech savvy for their own good, until I read Bonnie Wren's blog entry about her boys' "adjustments" to her cell phone ringer. Jumping Jupiter!

Okay, have you stopped laughing hysterically and pulled yourself together? We moms need to brainstorm about how we're going to keep our kids from taking over the world at age eight, simply because they know more than we do about microprocessors and gigabytes and pings and RSSs. (By the way, I bet you can't find one person in your circle of adult friends over the age of 25 who can tell you what an RSS is.)

I think we just haven't put the fear of technology into our children. And saying, "If you do that, the computer will blow up," just isn't good enough. Boys will be more than happy to witness a computer exploding into six gajillion pieces, especially if one of the shards will penetrate their little sister's Bratz doll's head, trading her hip, urban look for a more primitive bone-through-the-nose appearance..

And girls have no fear of cell phones. I thought about giving my daughter the classic "that's going to grow attached to your ear" speech, but then I realized she'd actually be okay with that, since that would free up both her hands for a Starbucks Frappaccino and her iPod. If she could operate a laptop with her feet, believe me, she'd do it.

Of course, if you're in the sandwich generation like me, you've also seen the other end of the tech savvy spectrum. This would be personified in my father, who cannot set a digital alarm clock, and in my mother, who thinks that if you open the microwave while it's still running, you run the risk of nuking your own brain and imploding your neighbor's prize pumpkins. My mom owned a digital camera for two years before she would actually take a photo with it. I'm not sure, but I think she thought that it would somehow transmit pictures and classified information by satellite to one of those axis of evil countries.

So anyway. If you have any good ideas about how to scare my kids into leaving my electronics well enough alone, I'd like to hear them, and ASAP. Today my youngest son changed my Windows log-in name to "Shugah Mama," and my daughter uploaded a photo of her boyfriend's eyebrow to serve as my cell phone's screen saver. Something's got to be done.

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