Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Meaningless meanderings of a middle-aged mom

I started my day today with a big bowl of Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch. Some days you just have to throw caution and bran flakes to the wind.



As I get older, I'm starting to get nervous about taking showers. The print on all the bottles and tubes in there is impossibly small, and of course I can't wear my bifocals in the shower, so it's always a real possibility that I will apply the wrong product to the wrong place. I'm afraid I'm going to put Acid Peel on my hair and Thickening Conditioner on my face, and end up bald but with a luxurious mustache.

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I've figured out that there are two kinds of people in the world - those who rarely scrape, cut, or abrade themselves; and those whose bodies are basically held together with an assortment of Band-Aids because they have no skin left. I'm in the former group. A 30-count package of adhesive bandages could last me my entire life. I live with a bunch of people in the latter group. How these people are still walking around is a mystery; it seems to me that they should have all bled to death by now, given the number of Band-Aids they need on a daily basis. The 60-count package is nowhere near sufficient. I'm going to check Super StuffMart to see if they carry a 500-count Box 'O Bandages.

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The recipe for Skunk Shampoo is as follows:


1 qt. hydrogen peroxide


1/4 c. baking soda


1 tsp. dish soap


I think it is a frightening comment on my life that I know this by heart.

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