Saturday, May 6, 2006

A retraction & a confession

We arrived in Florida today, and I have to rescind what I said about so many Florida drivers being old and slow. On I-75, at least, where the posted speed limit is 70mph, the drivers fit nicely into three categories:

  1. Right lane drivers, who prefer to stay safely under 20 mph;
  2. Middle lane drivers, who stay mostly around the 70mph mark; and
  3. Left lane drivers, who want to simulate NASCAR races.

Now, my confession. Back when I assented to being a homeschooler, I agreed with the Homeschooler's Countercultural Creed, including Promise #9: "I vow to feed my children only foods which are healthy, wholesome, free of refined chemicals and additives, with the goal of achieving a raw, vegan diet." Well, not on this trip, my friends.

According to Promise #9, I should have packed some snacks like homemade granola bars, dehydrated pesticide-free apples, and organic carrots that I grew myself in my own chicken-manure nurtured garden, with some non-fluorodated water to drink. Nope. Didn't happen. When my kids bleated in hunger, I threw them some Skittles and gummi bears, and handed out soft drinks when they were thirsty. Bad, bad homeschool mommy.

Then, to make matters worse, we stopped at a Shoney's for brunch, and I let my children serve themselves, unsupervised, from the trough - er, I mean breakfast bar. I was about halfway through my scrambled eggs (definitely not from free range chickens, either), when I glanced over to see my ten year old son consuming three cartons of yogurt, half a dozen donuts, and a strawberry shortcake. My twelve year old daughter's plate was worse. She was munching on a half a pig's worth of bacon, topped with strawberries and whipped cream. Okaaaayyyyy. But considering that the child weighs only slightly more than the Dallas phone book, I let her carry on.

Besides, what's a vacation without a diabetic coma and a couple of clogged arteries? Those are the things memories are made of.

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