Tuesday, March 28, 2006

"A good, old-fashioned, clothes line."

That's what CleghornClanMom suggested to solve my current laundry problems. After I stopped laughing and got the button sewed back on my pants, I thought, "You obviously don't know my husband."

This is a man who never, ever, pays to have anyone else do anything around our home. He is the ultimate Mr. Home Depot. One caveat: every project he undertakes must result in perfection, in both form and function. This tends to make projects take just a wee bit longer than they might otherwise. For instance, to put up a clothes line, he would require

  1. A new & better welding torch.
  2. Premium domestic iron mined from the hills of Pennsylvania.
  3. A special commercial concrete mix that is only available to contractors in Uzbekestan. A letter from the Secretary of State is necessary to acquire this.
  4. Extra long-lasting rope woven from the hair of albino yaks born in November, hand made by Tibetan monks.
  5. A GPS to determine the best latitude and longitude for the clothes line, to optimize sun and wind exposure.
  6. A professional survey to verify the GPS data.
  7. Artistry in Clothesline Design, an out-of-print book.
  8. Music to weld by.
  9. Time to hand carve clothespins from exotic, pesticide-free hardwoods which came from reforested South American woodland.

So, two years from now I might have a clothes line, but I would also be obligated to cover it with a clothes line cozy when the weather was bad. I'd have to make a mink-lined clothespin bag to keep the clothespins from getting scratched. And I'd have to wax the rope with yak liver oil after each use.

Nope, no clothes line for me. I think I'll get faster results by tying wet towels to the collar of our black lab and sending her to chase squirrels.

Tomorrow: Death by Boxer Shorts

1 comment:

Edythe (Dee) Heilner said...

Hi Diane,
This is Dee from Florida. Having had the chance to sit down and brainstorm a project with your fine husband and being in possesion of TWO of the finest wine bottle caps ever made and a beutiful oil lamp to top it off, I can attest to the accuracy of this post.