This is a man who never, ever, pays to have anyone else do anything around our home. He is the ultimate Mr. Home Depot. One caveat: every project he undertakes must result in perfection, in both form and function. This tends to make projects take just a wee bit longer than they might otherwise. For instance, to put up a clothes line, he would require
- A new & better welding torch.
- Premium domestic iron mined from the hills of Pennsylvania.
- A special commercial concrete mix that is only available to contractors in Uzbekestan. A letter from the Secretary of State is necessary to acquire this.
- Extra long-lasting rope woven from the hair of albino yaks born in November, hand made by Tibetan monks.
- A GPS to determine the best latitude and longitude for the clothes line, to optimize sun and wind exposure.
- A professional survey to verify the GPS data.
- Artistry in Clothesline Design, an out-of-print book.
- Music to weld by.
- Time to hand carve clothespins from exotic, pesticide-free hardwoods which came from reforested South American woodland.
So, two years from now I might have a clothes line, but I would also be obligated to cover it with a clothes line cozy when the weather was bad. I'd have to make a mink-lined clothespin bag to keep the clothespins from getting scratched. And I'd have to wax the rope with yak liver oil after each use.
Nope, no clothes line for me. I think I'll get faster results by tying wet towels to the collar of our black lab and sending her to chase squirrels.
Tomorrow: Death by Boxer Shorts