You know, I've always heard that those cool, hip, Euro women don't shave. So this winter, in the hype - er, I mean, spirit of the recent Olympic Games, and in camraderie with women worldwide, and in utter laziness, I opted to forgo shaving my legs. Now, with the weather warming up, it's time to pay the piper. Or, more appropriately, it's time to pay the lumberjack.
Because, yes, I'm growing a new national forest on my legs. I look neither cool nor hip, although I admit my legs stayed much warmer this winter, thanks to my homegrown leggings. I could probably go bare-legged in Siberia and be toasty warm. In addition, my leg hair could shelter a pack of small mammals and their winter food supply.
The question now is, how to remove the forest? This is a big job for a simple razor, even if I change the blade after every 3 square inches of deforestation. It would be like cutting down the redwoods with a butter knife. Let's see....I could knock the tops off first with a chain saw. I could dig out my old Epilady, but the prospect of ripping three million hairs out by the roots without the aid of morphine doesn't appeal to me. Perhaps a weed eater....
Nah, I guess the razor will have to do. So here's a hot investment tip for you: buy stock in Gillette. I happen to know that sales of Venus razor blades are going to skyrocket in north Texas.