Monday, March 27, 2006

Decisions, decisions.

Paper or plastic? Smoking or non-smoking? First class or coach? For my family this week, the question is, "Stinky or nude?"

This is because last week my clothes dryer had the mechanical equivalent of a myocardial infarction - a worn-out belt and a frozen motor. It's now resting comfortably, thank you, but the problem is I don't know when it will be released back to regular activity. So we're having to chose between wearing clothes that could stand to be dipped in a vat of Febreeze, or wearing nothing at all. So far, we're all choosing the stink option, although my 10 year old son is leaning precariously toward nudity, if for no other reason than to make his sisters scream.

You may be thinking, "But this is America, land of the free and home of the appliance & electronics mega-store! Why has her dryer been broken for a whole week?" This is why, my friends: THE HUSBAND.

First of all, a lifeless dryer takes a pretty low position on his priority list, lower than, say, a nonfunctional iPod or substandard computer speakers or dead batteries in the TV remote. Clean underwear can wait! A man's gotta have his entertainment!! Gosh!

Secondly, this guy is a world-class penny pincher. He can squeeze a penny so hard he makes that minature copper Abe Lincoln cry like a little girl. When he ordered replacement parts for the dryer, did he choose expedited shipping? Of course not! That was going to cost extra. I swear, if he had the option of choosing Pony Express delivery for 3 cents, he would take it.

So if you're driving around north Texas and see a house with a green fog around it and a nekkid boy playing hockey in the back yard, that's us.

Tomorrow, Part 2 of the story: Composting laundry can kill.

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